Well it’s June. Which means – by my imprecise calculations, me and Boyfriend have been dating for two years. What have I learned in two years? Many things. A few highlights would be: he and I have nothing in common except True Blood and the New York Yankees, he only wears gray or blue shirts, contrary to my previous thinking that I only like bulldogs – I’m pretty sure I like zero dogs, and Boyfriend does not prefer to travel if he can A.) come up with a list of chores that need to be done B.) tolerate my whining long enough so I have to leave without him C.) gets me to agree that he has no business participating in whatever it is that I am trying to get him to do. So far so good for him – until this weekend.
**Note - I’m the kind of person that “this weekend” means the one up and coming.
This weekend my cousin is getting married, in New Hampshire. Boyfriend is coming with - mostly against his will and quite possibly against my better judgment. I am having anxiety. You see, he’s yet to meet my fam – except for one sister and one brother and one niece. Unfortunately, for him, that’s not even the half of them. It’s the perfect scenario really – he doesn’t travel, they do not travel so now that the stars have aligned and everyone has to travel to the same place- guess it’s time for a meet and greet.
As you may or may not know, I am the oldest of nine children. So if you’re doing the math that’s nine people Boyfriend has yet to meet. He couldn’t list them all if you offered him a million dollars – he doesn’t do names well. I’m pretty sure, by this point, he knows the names to identify them as related to me when I speak of them – no longer forcing me to pre-empt my stories with ‘my sister/brother…’ So maybe it will help him to have a face to go with the name? Or. It’s just going to be a wall of people who all know who he is and he wouldn’t recognize if they were all wearing name tags? Personally, I think we all look alike. Of course I lived with all of them for years so I might not be the right person to ask. I offered to set him up with some study cards – he declined.
I’m totally not worried about Boyfriend – he’s a perfectly reasonable person and he can hold his own with the relatives. I’m just pretty sure he’s going to be all ‘we can’t have that many people needing places to stay when they visit Niagara Falls – so we need to break up.’ I asked him to sign something saying he’ll still date me after. He agreed saying it would never hold up in court. And when I amended the contract so that there has to be one witness – he said he’d get back to me. I’m a thousand percent counting on the niece to work some magic and distract my Gram from asking him a zillion questions. Plus the baby totally says his name and not mine so I'm pretty sure everyone is going to get a kick out of that. (Which is totally not fair because I spent two and a half days listening to Elmo and Dora and he spent fifteen minutes talking to her while he was getting ready for work. I think she does it on purpose.)
Stay tuned.
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| I feel like she's plotting how to run Boyfriend's defense already? |
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